I have written many unpublished articles over the years on the dangers of cancel culture and hate culture, but this is the first one I have the courage to share. There will be more to follow.
Cancel Culture is a hate crime. It brings out the worst reflection of our society. Regarding the trial we all have in our social media feeds; I have the deepest love and gratitude for Johnny Depp, but my heart is truly going out for Amber also. I cannot imagine what she is experiencing with her illness and the permanent consequences which are arising from the trial being publicized. (Even though hearing her testimony does bring flashbacks to my own trauma experiences with individuals who suffered from borderline personality disorder, I still do not want to see her destroyed by this experience.)
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a very complicated mental disorder because it intertwines so many conditions into one prescription. I have loved 2 individuals with this diagnosis and I have about a dozen friends who have shared with me in confidence that they suffer from it too. People who suffer from BPD experience a living turmoil, their brains/bodies are capable of running through a dozen conflicting emotional states in a single hour. In these breakdowns, they try to process these emotional states. It is something truly confusing to watch but can you imagine experiencing it?
I feel deeply for this woman who has been doing her best to survive her illness, for so many to be judging her from the perspective of “normal minds” is cruel. Indeed, most people in her place would have looked at the evidence and not chosen to go down this route, but let’s not forget she is suffering from one of the most complicated mental diagnoses.
BPD is complex because it has so many variations. Many of today’s psychologists describe it as a mix of psychopath with histrionic disorders, but it can vary depending on the trauma levels of the individual. One common characteristic is many cannot feel empathy but they have deep desires to do so; They long for this, they can only experience people around them who can feel such empathy. Due to this longing and knowing that they are different can lead them to suicide. “Research has shown approximately 70 percent of people with borderline personality disorder will attempt suicide at least once in their lifetimes. About 10 percent don’t fail. This rate is higher than any other psychiatric disorder and the general population.” Source
10% of individuals diagnosed with BPD end their life, this is one of the reasons I wanted to write this here. Our society has been putting Amber Heard on display and mocking her for her mental disorder. We need to stop this idea of making her a villain. Both parties have traumatic experiences. No one deserves this sort of treatment. On one hand I am still so grateful that this trial has happened, that it shines a light on these issues and that I am finally feeling safe to share my experiences, but on the other I would never want anyone I cared about to be treated in the ways people are treating Amber. She is a person, just like all of us, who is living in a country that has lots of mental health issues on the rise.
A few years ago, I wrote an article (unpublished) called “Loving Borderline”. It discussed the experience of loving someone who has such a debilitating disorder. For years I have been a supporter in various groups relating to BPD and have spoken with parents, children and lovers of BPD individuals along with the individuals themselves. The individuals share how hard it is to go through these spikes and how scared they are to potentially destroy their next relationship. Most of these individuals are ones who have acknowledged their diagnosis and are working so hard to heal.
Recent research studies have shown great promise on the outlook for individuals who choose to heal. The individuals in the study who underwent therapy including DBT [Dialectical behavior therapy] and traditional counseling, many BPD symptoms can be mitigated within 2 years and within 5 years some no longer had the diagnosis. This is huge! BPD is usually born out of severe trauma, commonly from childhood abuse and sexual explotiation. These individuals were not given the chance to grow up in a safe environment which turned on the self protection systems we see. These individuals need LOVE, support, not HATE. They need to feel safe to unpack their pain so they can heal from the hell they have been living.
Please do not support the cancellation of Amber, or any individual for that matter. Choose love instead. She is not inherently a bad person, she has simply made big mistakes and lots of those only reflect how incorrectly we deal with mental health in this advanced-modern world we all live in.
#cancelcultureisahatecrime #lovenothate #mentalhealthawareness #JohnnyDeppVsAmberHeard
Thank you for speaking up and sharing your experience.